A call to missions
A specific call to Vanuatu
For a long time I have struggled to accept that this is where God is calling me. To a country that has an excessively high humidity, way to many insects and high level of spiritual warfare. Fortunately, God has worked in my heart and I can now say that I am eager to start the work in Vanuatu. However, I have to jump back one year in time to where the commitment to raise a generation of women who know their identity in Jesus started.
Freedom for women
A weekend spent at Grimerud gård, YWAM's base in Hamar, Norway, was the start of my call. During the weekend we spent a lot of time talking about, praying and listening to God for what our hearts are burning for. A question I never really asked myself or God before. What I heard from God was: "Set women into freedom". Seeing girls find their true identity. That they realize how wonderful and beautiful they are, and thus are allowed to go about their everyday lives secure in their identity. When I first heard this I felt it was a bit boring. It is such a "typical" call. I wasn't sure if it was actually God or if it was just me making this up in my head, but I chose to write it down. Whether/how this would happen only God knew, and I actually had a pretty good time waiting for His timing.
After the Brave Love conference at Grimerud, I went to Kona, Hawaii, to work as a volunteer at the YWAM base for three months. During this time I experienced people speaking into my life and prophesying about the future. People shared photos they received and Bible verses. Different people approached me independently.
The first thing that happened was during a meeting for the volunteers at the base. During the meeting I went up to the stage to be prayed over. The speaker, Frenchie Gamero, put his hand on my shoulder and said:
"God is marking you with his Holy Spirit. I see you ministering to a lot of (younger) women, bringing them into freedom."
I was in shock. This man did not know a single thing about my life, I had never spoken to him before. How could he know that God told me that exact thing little under a month ago.
A mother of the nations
At another meeting for the volunteers in Hawaii I got a note, written by a girl I didn't know. She was not part of the volunteers, but just happened to drop by our meeting. During the worship God highlighted me to her. She wrote me a note which I received at the end of the meeting. This was on the note.
"I feel that God is telling me that he is raising you up to be the next Deborah (Judges 4-5). He is raising you up to be a mother of many, a mother of the nations. The Lord has given you much wisdom and authority that he will use to touch so many lives."
This was definitely exciting, but I was certain that I couldn't make this happen. Only God could make me a mother to the nations. It needs to happen in his timing.
Another prophetic word happened in the middle of a worship night with the entire base. A girl came up to me and said:
"Marte, during the worship I saw a picture of you running through a crowd of dark women with a burning torch (Jesus). The women were standing in a row with their own torch, ready to be lit by your burning torch".
I noticed the detail of the women being dark. I was a bit confused, because I had a gut feeling that I wasn't going to Africa and work as a missionary. It was not something I felt at peace about. Nevertheless, I wrote down the picture and told God that he had to show me what it meant in his timing.
"As I prayed for you I felt God lead me to the story in Judges 4 & 5. The story of Deborah. She was a strong leader who obeyed God and chose to take Israel under her wing like a mother. It's just like if God says you have a similar anointing, to be a mother. A mother of the nations."
After reading this I just start laughing. Who else than God can make two pieces of paper at different places say the same thing. The two people who wrote the notes did not know each other, one in Hawaii and one in New Zealand. Nevertheless, both had taken time to listen to God's heart and plan for me. I knew that setting women into freedom was something God called me to. However, there was little I could do here and now other than to ask God how to steward the waiting time well.
Fear of the future
During the DTS, a process started in me of surrendering my control over my own future and trusting God. God told me clearly to not seek for opportunities, but that opportunities should find me. However, I thought that was super silly. If there's one thing I've done in recent years, it's making tactical choices to ensure a good future. Yet it was as if God was calling me to let go of the control I've had and trust him. This opened up a new room inside of me. The fear of the future.
I realized that I was afraid to fail. What if I failed to hear God's voice and his next step for me. I am already 24 years old and know that God has called me to become a missionary. Still, I'm not there yet... What if I fail my friends and family's expectations of me. They expect me to find a job, a spouse and settle down once, don't they? Last but not least; what if God fails me. What if he doesn't show me the next step?
When I realized that I was actually afraid of failing, God led me to Jeremiah 29, 11: "I will give you future and hope". As well as Isaiah 48, 17: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go."
Impatient
Although it was uncomfortable, I manged to surrender my control over the future and become one of those crazy YWAMers who "just wait" for God's guidance. I honestly never understood this concept until I was in that situation myself. I've had so many prejudices against those who don't take control of their own future and do what is necessary to get there. Maybe that's why God showed me how important it was to go through this process. I promised God that I wouldn't talk to Him about my future until He reminded me. Ambitious.
I couldn't keep this promise for so long ahah. It only took a few weeks for me to get impatient. I had to find out what the next step was soon, or what God? I remember that I sat outside our little chapel early one cold morning. "God, now is the time to reveal the next step to me. I've waited long enough now, haven't I?" I closed my eyes and waited expectantly for an answer. With my eyes closed I saw a high wall coming closer and closer, before I heard the words: "Stop, Marte. Trust me. You have given me control, so wait". I was a little ashamed that I had broken my own promise and asked for forgiveness. It was as if God asked me if I could manage to come home to Norway after the DTS without knowing the next step, or what I should do when autumn came. After a bit of back and forth, I came to the conclusion that I should be able to do that, yes. It could be a cool testimony for family and friends about how I had given up control over my own future and trusted God completely. Because he is actually worthy of my future. If I have to look a little weird in the eyes of the world, it doesn't matter much, because I'm more concerned with following what God says without testing him too much. I almost started to get a little excited about coming home and having no idea about my next step. Nevertheless, it did not turn out that way. God showed me at the right time. However, God tested me to see how far I was willing to go when it came to trusting Him and really giving Him control.
Waiting
During this period of waiting, I received a note from one of the school leaders which said: "Marte, I feel like God is telling me that you shouldn't rush into ministry. Jesus was 30 years old before he began his ministry. Take it easy." Oh no, I thought. God, do I have to wait until I'm 30 before you tell me where you want me??? It took me a few weeks to come to terms with that thought as well. Well, God, if that's the way you want it, it's probably the best. I just want to say that I think it's a bit long to wait. But I also recognize that you know best.
We then traveled to Vanuatu for outreach, and I forgot to think about the future. I had more than enough with being present. The only time I remember thinking about my future was one night while I was in the shower and the fear of the future came over me. As I stepped out of the shower it was as if God said "stop" and reminded me that He is in control. I won't think about it any more until the time is right. Just live in the moment.
God's revelation
One day I was washing windows and I started talking to Anna, the leader of the YWAM base in Vanuatu. She asked me what I was going to do after the DTS. I replied that I had no idea, and told her about how I had surrendered my future to God. We talked a bit about my education and I shared about the fire in my heart to lead women into freedom and wholehearted following of Jesus. She then says: "If you ever need a place to be, we're here. There are so many opportunities here." She mentioned the "Keep Safe" program. I listened, but replied that it was not for me. Nevertheless, I pointed out the importance of the work and that I support what they are doing. I continued washing the windows and didn't think much about the conversation until the evening came and I was in the shower. As I stepped out of the shower, it was as if the door that had been closed for so long suddenly opened. I just knew that the time had come to ask God about my future. It was like he had something he wants to show me. I quickly dried myself and ran into the room to find my notebook. As I ran from the bathroom to the bedroom it was as if pieces just fell into place in my head and suddenly everything made sense. I am going to stay in Vanuatu.
This is what I wrote:
"Now the pieces are starting to fall into place. I remember the picture I got in Hawaii, running through a crowd of dark women while holding a flaming torch. The women in Vanuatu are dark and fit the picture perfectly. If there is a country on this planet that needs someone to light a torch for Jesus, it is here. They already have the foundation. To be from Vanuatu is to be a Christian. They have a certainty that God exists and already go to church on Sundays. Nevertheless, they need a conviction that it is not just theory and tradition, but a living relationship that is possible to have with God! It only takes a small flame to "set the country on fire".
While I have been here in Vanuatu, God has truly broken my heart for the women here twice. The first time was in the village. The second time for the woman who was in prison. As I sit here, it's as if God reminds me of a prayer I prayed a few years ago: "God, if you just break my heart for a nation, I'll know where to go." Nor have I ever felt so led by the Holy Spirit as I have in this country. It's absolutely incredible. The words of the jailer also come to my mind now: "Marte, you inspire. Keep doing it!". This is the answer to promises I have received before that I will be an inspirer of some kind. Now I think I understand more about where God wants me in the future. But this is crazy! I need more education and knowledge before I go, don't I? What about a DBS?
God listned to my thoughts, but suddenly several Bible references popped into my head. I looked it up and it said:
Exodus 4:12: "Go now, I will be with your mouth and teach you what to say."
Titus 2, 11 – 15: "With authority you shall preach and exhort!".
That Anna, the leader of the work here in Vanuatu came to me today was actually a confirmation of what God said earlier about opportunities finding me. I have hardly spoken to Anna during my entire time here at FCC. Then she says that there is a place for me here if I want. Opportunities will find me, I don't have to hunt for them. God gave me enough guidance every step of the way. If this is actually where I am going to be for the next era of my life, that's absolutely sick! With many worms and far too high humidity. Fortunately, there are lovely people and lovely beaches. If God can use me here, then "let it be!".
Confirmation
What I did not write down in my notebook, were all the confirmations I needed to get if God really wanted me in this country. I said half-heartedly to God; if you really want me here, I want Anna to talk to me again and ask about my plan after DTS sometime. Her reason for asking me must be that the thought of me staying didn't leave her. I also wanted Bridgeta to contact with me directly. She is the leader of the "Keep Safe" programme. I wanted them to say they wanted me there. I then lay down to sleep.
Don't you think I woke up the next morning with a friend request from Bridgeta on Facebook. Funny, I though and then went about my day without thinking too much about it. Another day we're in church where I am giving a speech. After the speech, I said to God: "Hi again. If it is the case that you really want me in this country, then I want some of the women here in the church to say that I should stay." I didn't think much more about it and joined a local girl to pick some fruit. When I returned with fruit in my hands, I heard one of the women say to the others: "Everyone else can go, but I think Marte should stay." I started laughing, because I wasn't even a part of the conversation. Before they saw me they said that I had to stay, while everyone else on the team could leave. God is funny who answers my prayers.
Then came the day when we were to leave. I had stuffed all my things into my bag and was patiently waiting for the rest of the team to get ready to leave. Anna then came up to me again and said: "Marte, what are your plans after DTS?". Why do you ask, I asked. "The thought of you staying didn't leave my mind, it just stayed," she replies. I laughed a little to myself again and told her that I asked her to come one more time and ask just that if God really wanted me here. I also told her about the prayer I said for Bridgeta to reach out, and the friend request she sent on Facebook the next day. We said goodbye and left to the airport.
A few days after I returned to New Zealand, I got an email from Anna. She wrote that she spoke to Bridgeta about the friend request she sent me on Facebook. Bridgeta explained to Anna that it was very coincidental that she was even on Facebook that day, and sent a friend request. It's something she rearly does. Random, or God answering my prayers for confirmation. I then told this to my friend who knows Bridgeta well, and she just blurted out: "Wow, no, she's never actually on Facebook, so this must be from God."
When I returned to New Zealand, I asked my mentor through the DTS if she could pray over this with me. I myself was very at peace about moving to Vanuatu. How crazy is that? Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought of doing something like this of my own accord. Something I learned during the lecture phase was that if you yourself are at peace about a choice, have someone else pray over it as well. If they feel peace about it, get a Bible verse, etc.
When I spoke to my mentor and told her about all the confirmations I have received from God, but that I still doubted, she brought up the word she received from God: "Trust". She says: "Marte, now is the time to let go of control and trust him. You have heard him quite clearly, and everything you have asked as confirmation he has done. It is in his grace. I think the time has come for you to accept what he says, and trust that he is in control. There is a limit to how much we should test God".
I knew she was right. That night I gave God control over my future again. I surrendered all the negative things I saw about moving to Vanuatu and asked for his perspective on the matter. I prayed that he could let me see the positive things about the culture, the country and my calling.
Doubt
Even though I surrendered this to God, doubts still crept in. Marte, is it really God calling you to Vanuatu? How much more comfortable and safe would it have been to be at home? How are you going to get money for all this? Are you really going to trust God and believe that he will take care of you? I had to meet the thoughts with God's truths. God actually says that he will not let the righteous starve. God just needs someone who is crazy enough to believe that His word is true when He says He will take care of us. When we surrender our life and in the eyes of the world lose our life, that is when we actually find it. I honestly did not understand this part of the Bible text until now.
I really feel like I'm giving up my own life here. I surrender my control over my future and over my finances. I want more than anything else that God can be glorified through my life. I don't want to live it for my own gain. We only have about 80 years here on earth until it is finished. Let me bring God's kingdom to earth in the time I have.
When asked why he is sending me to Vanuatu, he reminded me of the song I have been singing since I was a little girl: "Jesus here I am, send me. Jesus here I am, send me. I want to live my life, as a sacrifice to you. Jesus, I am here."
In the face of all doubt and worry, he brings his peace and the certainty that he will take care of me.
Another evening I asked God; why me? He answered clearly: "Marte, lives will be transformed by what you say to them. Just think how much I (God) can do with just a few sentences. You just have to deliver the truth, I'll take care of the rest." I started crying when he said that. Because it was so true. It is really not in my own power that I walk. He will do most of the work, I will let him lead and team up with him. He then reminded me how taking over the "Keep Safe" program fulfills the words I have been given that I will be a mother to the nations. Bring freedom! Freedom to the extent that women know they can say no, because they have a voice that is valuable. Your opinion is valuable. It's not because white people come and want to impose their values on them. But those are God's truths. HE is the one who says that your voice is valuable.
I realize again and again that I should have studied more and learned more. Yet God says so clearly: GO - I will be with your mouth and teach you what to say. Now I actually just have to go. I just have to be obedient to his call. I know I can't shy away. I will not shy away. Then I will be like Jonah running from Nineveh. I can't say no, I don't want to.
As Christians, we stand together to make disciples of all nations. Some will go out, others will help send. I have received a specific call to go and need to know about specific supporters who will stand with me in the work. The organization I travel for (Youth on Mission) does not pay its missionaries. Therefore, I need supporters who will both stand with me in prayer and contribute financially to my ministry in Vanuatu. Would you like to help pray and/or give to make this project possible? Click here: Contribute